Better To Have Loved and Lost…..

My husband and I back in college with our dogs, Guinness and Parker

My son sailed in a regatta out on Cape Cod this weekend and we decided to make a family weekend out of it. While we were there, my daughter and I took a little afternoon trip out to Nantucket on the high speed ferry. 

I feel like if you own a dog and plan to visit Nantucket, it is a rule that you must take your dog with you. We don’t own a dog, but I know my daughter wishes we did.

This is a far cry from how things used to be….when she was a baby, she was horribly afraid of any dog that came near her. Not just a little fearful….a full on red-faced, sweaty lip, shaking kind of scared! My husband and I had dogs when we first met and always planned to have more as part of our family in the future. But we knew perfectly well that if we brought a dog into the house, we would give my daughter a life of panic attacks.

So we decided to get her a cat instead.

This is Tiller……..our dog in kitty clothing!

I never had cats as a kid so I didn’t know what I was in for. I figured they are aloof and independent, and aren’t as attached as dogs can be. Boy was I wrong! We picked a cat that is like a dog in kitty clothing. He fetches and snuggles. He sleeps at our feet and greets us at the door. He begs for treats. He was the perfect addition to our family. And the trick worked! Now my daughter is full on in-love with every type of animal, especially dogs.

So while we were on the ferry, my daughter had a grand old time! She oogled, pet, and shook paws with every dog that looked her way through the entire one-hour ride across to the island. There were a whole bunch of dogs to choose from! Like I said, taking your dog to Nantucket is a thing.

When we returned to the mainland, she couldn’t stop talking about how badly she wants a dog. She began to notice every dog that was in our vicinity, daydreaming about what kind of dog she would want, what she would name it, and how well it would get along with our cat.

Like I said, I grew up with dogs. I had one in my family when I was a kid. And in college, I adopted my own dog that lived in with me in my rented college houses. He even drove across the country to spend a few years in California with me, as well. My husband also had a dog when we first met. In fact, I joke that I fell in love with his dog before I fell in love with him….which might not be a joke at all!

We are dog people. I never imagined a married life with kids and no dog! I can’t believe we don’t have a dog yet! Especially since my daughter has become so comfortable with them. When she started to ask (more like beg) for a dog this weekend, I had a whole slew of excuses….

We wouldn’t be able to travel like we do right now.

Dogs require a lot more work and attention than cats!

Dogs shed!

Our cat will never get along with a dog.

When we got our cat, the deal with my kids was that we wouldn’t get one unless they promised to feed it and empty its litter box. Whelp….that didn’t work out so well for us. My kids very rarely open up a can of cat food for the little guy. And I’m pretty sure they have no idea where we even keep the litter box.

So if we have a dog in the house, I am fairly certain that I will be the one that will walk it. And we will get into a pattern where we feed it because the kids are never up early enough in the morning and are so busy during the evenings. 

So I gave my daughter a whole lecture on this….and I received a lecture in return on how they will do better helping out with the dog.

I saw this cartoon the other day about dog lovers that don’t actually have their own dog. It was captioned “me with other people’s dogs” and it shows a woman laying on the ground, surrounded by dogs licking her face.

That’s me.

I am a lot like my daughter on the ferry. When I see a dog, I can’t help myself. I start to talk to it in a high pitched voice. I get on the ground with it. I have a full on conversation with it, imagining that it is talking back to me. I shake its paw, pet its belly, and give it a good bum rub. Dogs love me and I am a total sucker for the wet nose and fluffy tail.

So I have been thinking about this a lot. As a self-proclaimed “dog person,” why don’t I want to get a dog? 

Because when you get a dog, you know two things…..you’re going to fall in love with it and it’s going to die one day. You knowingly walk headfirst into a heartbreak. It is the basic madness of dog ownership.

My dog in college was a black lab named Guinness. He literally grew up with me. He was my buddy. He went everywhere I went. He watched me graduate from college, get my first job, get married, and get pregnant. When I was pregnant with my son, he would lay next to me with his head on my belly. When he kicked, my dog’s head would bobble up and down. When I cried, he licked my tears and snuggled with me. I don’t know what I would have done without him in my 20s. 

When I went into the hospital almost 16 years ago to have my son, my dog was close to 12 years old and he immediately went downhill. My husband couldn’t stay with me in the hospital because he needed to go home to take care of my dog. When I came home with my new baby boy, Guinness’s hip dysplasia was so bad, he couldn’t walk to greet me. My husband had to pick him up and take him outside. We put him on the ground near my son in his bucket car seat. Guinness scooted over to my son and rested his head in the bucket, much like he did on my belly when I was pregnant.

Seeing that he couldn’t walk, I knew right then and there I would have to put him down. He was in pain. He wasn’t living a good life anymore. Literally, the day after my son was born, I had to bring him to the vet and say goodbye. He was my first kid….

….and my heart broke.

My husband and I had already put his dog down a few years before. This was equally as heartbreaking….and to do it a second time was just too unbearable.

I swore I would never do it again.

And now here I am with a daughter begging me to get her a dog. I don’t ever want her to feel the way I felt when I put Guinness down. I don’t ever want her to experience that kind of pain. And I don’t think I can put myself through it again.

That’s why I can’t invite another dog into my life.

But then I think about Tiller, my dog in cat’s clothing….the cat that we got our daughter to warm her up to the idea of a dog in the house. And even though I know that he will most likely live a lot longer than our dogs, my heartbreak will be equal when it is his time. Just like a dog, we will outlive him. And we will all feel a little emptier when he is gone. I can’t spare my kids from that heartbreak. 

I know perfectly well that we are in denial about that. In all of our minds, our cat will live forever…..just like I felt when I adopted Guinness. We go into these things excited about a new life in our home….we don’t think about the end. Why would we?

Shouldn’t it be the same when it comes to the possibility of adopting a dog? Can I think about a full life with this animal rather than the pain of the end?

I’m not sure….

I don’t do that with the humans in my life.

I don’t wish that I never met them and got to know them so I can spare myself the heartache of losing them….

….that heartache is real.

And it hurts.

But then I remind myself that by getting a pet, I am teaching my kids to love. The world needs a whole lot more of that these days. After all, Alfred Lord Tennyson did say,

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

This I definitely believe to be true. I wouldn’t trade in my time with Guinness for the world. He is at the center of many of my young adulthood memories. While they hurt, those high times were worth the pain.

So does this mean I’ll get my family a dog? I don’t know….if I keep writing I may convince myself that it’ll be OK. All the other excuses were true….traveling will be more difficult, we will have to divide and conquer on taking care of the dog as a family, and it is a must that the dog gets along with our cat. 

This is a pretty tall order…..so we’ll have to see. However, I am happy to have my daughter with me to love everyone else’s dogs in the meantime. So feel free to send your pups our way for some extra love and attention anytime! We’ll always dish it out for our furry friends!