Practicing Positivity

As many of you know, I was a public school teacher for over 20 years. I have so many memories of those years…..time spent with my students and the connections I made! I have heaps of stories that will make you both laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time!

The story I am going to tell today is about one of the most memorable starts to a school year. Many public schools in New England start at the last week of August when it is hot, muggy, and humid! But this particular morning wasn’t like that. I remember because a fellow teacher friend of mine and I decided to go for an early morning jog before meeting our students for the first time. It was a slightly cool morning….one of those mornings where it was somewhat chilly to start but you knew the day would get warmer by the minute. We had an enjoyable run together, chatting the entire time, and working to burn off the nerves we felt over starting a new school year. We ran together just as the sun was rising in the sky. I’ll never forget that it was a gorgeous start to the day.

But that wasn’t the excitement of the morning. The excitement started when I got to school! After our run, I showered and put on a new summer dress that I picked out especially for the occasion. I ate breakfast with my family and packed our first bagged lunches of the school year. Then I was off! I drove into the parking lot of my school, grabbed my belongings and walked into the building. The floors looked shiny and newly waxed. Signs welcomed parents and students back to school. I could tell everyone was ready! I was one of the first teachers to arrive and I didn’t see a single soul in sight. So I walked down the hallway toward my classroom. As I rounded the corner, I heard a splash and noticed a wet sensation at my feet. I was standing in a few inches of water!!

This realization didn’t make sense to me. Why was I wading in water? I looked down the hallway and realized that water was flowing in my direction. Was I imagining this? No one was here to witness what I was seeing.

I decided to walk back where I came from, to drier ground. I looked around for someone to tell but there was no one. So I called my friend that I had run with earlier in the morning….she hadn’t arrived at school yet and almost couldn’t comprehend what I was trying to describe to her. One hallway of the school was flooding and students, parents, and teachers were on their way to start a new school year! This couldn’t be happening……

It turns out that a pipe broke from a sink in the custodian’s closet. Water flowed for a while, into classrooms and down the hallways. The water was stopped but not cleaned up before students began arriving at school a few moments later. Our principal and teachers scrambled to figure out what to do with the displaced classrooms on that side of the building.

We all went into “go mode,” gathering all the supplies we could from our soggy classrooms and directing students to meet us in the cafeteria. We each found a corner of the school building to work, or a stretch of space outside where we could read, talk, and try to make the first day of school a little fun for our students. We moved around all day long, working where we could.

When the students left for the day, I was exhausted (to say the least). I also felt stressed, overwhelmed, and uncertain how school would continue with wet and soggy classrooms. So many things went wrong….

My students never saw their classroom on the first day of school.

Everything that I set up for my students in the room was ruined by water.

Supplies that I used regularly and some of which I paid for with my own money had to be thrown away.

School had to close for a few days and we were required to help in the clean up effort.

They literally had to cut the walls of our classrooms to dry out and replace in order to prevent mold from growing.

This was the all-time worst first day of school I ever had! I felt like crying and I had to do a lot to keep my emotions in check that day and the days that followed in the clean-up effort. All of my emotion regulation tools came out in full force! It was challenging to keep things upbeat and positive for my students, when really I was enourmously frustrated and overwhelmed inside.

When school closed and we all worked together to clean things up, I’ll never forget standing in my classroom with a big trash bag and throwing out wet books. My heart was breaking as I threw away things that meant something to me and brand new things I buy every year that I knew I wouldn’t have for my new students. 

At one point, another colleague came into my room with tears in her eyes. She expressed that she was exhausted, overwhelmed, and angry about the whole thing. I listened and empathized. I felt the same way. But then, I expressed to her….

No one got hurt.

Books, furniture, materials, and even walls can be replaced.

None of this will matter in a few short weeks.

We were doing the best we could considering the circumstances!

The response from my colleague was one I will never forget. She said to me, “How do you always stay so positive?”

This question stopped me in my tracks. POSITIVE? I responded, “I’m not! Trust me….I’m thinking all sorts of negative things right now. But they aren’t helping me move forward.”

This wasn’t the first time I have been called out on my positivity. Usually people call it out when they are finding it hard to be positive. They are either annoyed by me or trying to seek positive vibes in hopes they rub off on them.

But see….that’s the thing. I don’t think I can call myself a positive person. I am human. I have negative thoughts, just like the rest of them. Anyone that says they are positive all the time HAVE to be lying. 

I’m not a positive person.

I practice positivity.

There’s a difference.

Sometimes we, as humans, get sucked into thinking about what is wrong, what’s not working, and what could be better. Sometimes we get caught in a cycle of complaining. It happens! But awareness of getting caught in a “stinking thinking” loop is the first step toward practicing positivity.

Positivity is an attitude that affects how we experience ourselves, others, and our situations. It also affects how we behave. Winston Churchill said that….

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

When we are positive, the glass is half-full rather than half-empty. Praciticng positivity means trying to be optimistic and hopeful rather than negative and hopeless. When we practice positivity, we look at a world full of opportunities to make things better rather than a world full of problems. Humans that practice positivity focus on what they are grateful for, their blessings, and the good in life, rather than what they don’t have and what is wrong. Sometimes when we practice positivity, we realize that what first seemed like a problem, really isn’t a big deal after all!

When it comes down to it, positive people attract other positive people and participate in positive activities. Since they put out a positive attitude into the world, and do positive things, positivity comes back to them over and over again.

I want that.

That world seems WAY more attractive to me.

So that’s why I work really hard to practice positivity.

Is this practice of being positive with both ourselves and others seamless and easy? NOPE. I have to work at it. And being aware and mindful of my thoughts and the things I say out loud are the very beginning.

When I notice that my thoughts and things I say to others start with “I can’t” or “I’ll never,” I take a pause. I don’t criticize myself for thinking this way, I just simply notice my negative self-talk and try to reframe it to something that is a little more kind or supportive. While I know that I have weaknesses and faults, I try to focus on leveraging my strengths and talents instead. Or when I encounter defeats, I try not to let myself be defeated.

I also try really hard to express my gratitude for everything and everyone that surrounds me. I list these things regularly in my meditation practice and write them in my journal. And when I am feeling grateful to someone, I say it directly to them as much as possible! Expressing and recognizing everything I am grateful for helps to put me in a more positive frame of mind.

When I am having a particularly rough day, I try to pause, notice, and release judgement on that too! These are the days when I may try to be a little extra kind to myself and take the time to do something that fills me up. Usually these are also the times that I notice that I haven’t been doing these things for myself as much as I should!

But sometimes it even feels better on these tough days to do something nice for someone else. I’ll buy a coffee for the person behind me in line, text a friend and tell them something I appreciate about them, send someone a card…..these acts of kindness often take me out of my negatively clouded head to a more grounded place.

And when all else fails, I laugh. Yup….you heard me! I laugh! I mean….sometimes that is all you can do! The day that I stepped into a hallway full of water and couldn’t take my students to their new classroom, I can’t tell you how many times I laughed. The entire day was ridiculous! You couldn’t make that story up!! All it took was a side glance from my friends and colleagues and a giggle would erupt.

But if I don’t have someone that can help me laugh, I find the laughs where I can by watching a funny show or even remembering something funny from the past. Laughing increases the brain’s production of endorphins, which are feel-good chemicals that relieve pain and reduce stress. Laughter can lower our heart rate and blood pressure and can make us feel more relaxed. So yeah….when I am feeling like a “Negative Nelly,” sometimes getting myself to laugh really is the best medicine.

Practicing positivity is a conscious practice. It is habitual to be more positive and appreciative of all that is around me. This is hard stuff, which is why it takes purposeful and repeated practice over time. I’m not perfect at it but I do like to say that I am a “work in progress.” And I think with this, I really, truly mean it.

Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring reality or making light of problems. It simply means that I approach the good and bad in life with the expectation that things will go well….or at least as best as I can make them. 

I know, without a doubt in my mind, that life is truly what we make of it. Realizing this helps me choose to focus on and promote the positive in all aspects of my life. 

Positive people live longer, suffer less medical illness, enjoy life more, have lower rates of depression and stress, feel well, and function better. Who wouldn’t want that??

It seems worth the effort to me, so I'm committed to sticking with it! Who’s with me?