I know I am a fortunate human being! I have an amazing family and a great group of friends. I have an extraordinary village of people around me that pick me up when I’m down, inspire me, and show me more love and care than I sometimes deserve. I am realizing as I get older that everyone is dealing with something. Some things are really big and others are small and trivial. And these things ebb and flow as life continues to go on around us. If we didn’t have each other to bounce ideas off of, laugh with, and vent to, I am not sure any of us would make it through this conflicted world. We need other humans in our lives.

The problem is, many of us don’t really like to talk about how we truly feel. And sometimes it feels uncomfortable when someone shares their big feelings. Writing these stories of small moments in my life and expressing my feelings and emotions about it all is not easy. At times, it can feel embarrassing, shameful, and sometimes downright raw to put it all on paper. However, I chose to write all these stories with educators, parents, and caregivers in mind, to get the narrative started among all of us.....

I had the honor of presenting my “Emotions and Intentions” Wellness workshop to educators and staff at a local preschool this week. In my presentation, the hot topic of “burnout” came up. Burnout is not only a huge topic of conversation in the education field but also in the rest of the world. 

I think it is important to define what burnout really means. What is it and how does it feel? According to the World Health Organization, burnout is defined as, “chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” Someone with burnout may feel….

It takes a special person to be a teacher. I have never held another profession so I can’t compare, but I am pretty certain that it is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. 

Research shows that the average human makes 35,000 decisions a day. Most of these decisions are small and we may not even notice we’re making them. We may make decisions about which direction to turn when you’re driving, what shoes to wear, what to eat for breakfast…..so many decisions! 

Research shows that teachers make 1,500 educational decisions a day….that’s on top of the 35,000 decisions they make for themselves as the average human. If you do the math on that one, they are making about 4 educational decisions a minute in a six-hour work day (and we know their day is waaayyy more than 6 hours!). It has been noted that teachers make more decisions a day than other professionals, second to air-traffic controllers, which is also noted to be the #1 most stressful job.

Decision fatigue much?

So yeah….when I put all of that down on paper, it is no wonder I feel like teaching can be a very challenging job. However, I also believe that educators are doing the most important work on the planet....

I have mixed feelings about the kids going back to school.

On the one hand…..

I absolutely love the summertime! Besides the weather, I enjoy the longer days, the time spent outside, and the quality time with my kids. Honestly, I love any time spent out on or near the water! And I particularly enjoy going for a walk or a run early in the morning without having to wear my headlamp because the sun is already above the horizon.

The other night, my husband and I decided to take a quick dip in the pool under the stars. The water was refreshing and the sky was crystal clear. It was a gorgeous night with the crickets and the frogs singing to us in the background. As we were toweling off, I said something along the lines of, “I’m going to miss our night swims and our fire pits….” and then I continued to list everything I’ll miss about summer. 

Like I was reading a eulogy.

August.

Every educator’s least favorite month.

It is the month that continually reminds teachers that both summer and freedom are over. It is no coincidence that August and anxiety both start with “A.” August 1st feels like the beginning of perpetual Sundays….the time when we feel like we haven’t done enough, we aren’t prepared, we haven’t enjoyed summer to its fullest, and now it is almost over.

When I taught in a public school classroom, I became a different person come August. I used to joke with my other educator friends that my husband likes “July Jenny” way better than “August Jenny.” The second that July was over, I started to think about everything I needed to do before the school year started, and everything I didn’t do that I wanted to over the summer….

You couldn’t pay me to go back to my middle school years. I tell this to my daughter all the time and I don’t think I am the only adult that feels this way. Middle School is rough….like Lord of the Flies rough. At times it can feel like a bunch of kids stranded on an island, making up their own societal rules, and resulting in disaster.

My daughter is in the thick of middle school. She enters seventh grade in just a few weeks and we are playing the summer waiting game right now to see who her teachers will be and if her friends will be with her. She often expresses that while she has friends, she doesn’t feel like she fits into any particular group of girls.

I remember this feeling…..

My son sailed in a regatta out on Cape Cod this weekend and we decided to make a family weekend out of it. While we were there, my daughter and I decided to take a little afternoon trip out to Nantucket on the high speed ferry.

I feel like if you own a dog and plan to visit Nantucket, it is a rule that you must take your dog with you. We don’t own a dog, but I know my daughter wishes we did.

This is a far cry from how things used to be….when she was a baby, she was horribly afraid of any dog that came near her. Not just a little fearful….a full on red-faced, sweaty lip, shaking kind of scared! My husband and I had dogs when we first met and always planned to have more as part of our family in the future. But we knew perfectly well that if we brought a dog into the house, we would give my daughter a life of panic attacks…..

I have opened a document to start writing my blog about 3 times today. And each time, I get distracted and find something else that needs my attention. It hasn’t gotten done and now here I am, at the 11th hour, trying to get my ideas down. Wait….ideas? What ideas? I have no idea what I want to write about today….

The problem is that I am highly distracted this week. Actually, I am going to be honest. I have been extremely distracted since the kids got out of school. The balance of organizing activities, packing bags, planning rides, and making sure my family is where they need to be has been a lot for me to manage this summer…..

My son is going to be 16 years old in about a month. He’s my first born….the boy that made me a mom to begin with. I absolutely adore him and there are times when the mommy inside of me just wants to hug him and smother him with love. But he won’t have ANY of that….at all.

Any parents of teens out there that can relate? Please tell me I’m not alone.

My teen gives me very few hugs or physical affection. When he was young and I would go out for only a few hours and came home, I used to get a run, leap, and bound into my arms for a “welcome back.” Now I’m lucky if I get a grunt, a head nod, and a “hey, Mom.”

I don’t know….maybe he thinks he’s too old for hugs. Or maybe he thinks he’s too cool. But, I’m pretty sure there is something biological or developmental about why teens stop hugging their moms….but man, it isn’t easy!

So what does this hug deprived mother do??

Block Island is one of my favorite places on Earth. My family is lucky that every year we take the boat and visit the island once or twice. We enjoy anchoring in New Harbor, lounging in the cockpit of our boat, visiting the beaches, and swimming. And of course, we enjoy going to The Oar for a mudslide while our kids hang over the dock using a string and hot dogs to catch crabs.

My favorite Block Island “alarm clock” is the sound of Aldo’s Bakery Boat yelling “Andiamo!” to let boaters know that they are there and ready to sell fresh baked muffins, croissants, donuts, and egg sandwiches for breakfast. There is a big part of me that wants to voice record the sound of the Aldo’s Boat to make my real alarm clock for the other days when I am home…..just to bring me back to my favorite place, even in the dead of winter!

Everytime we leave the dock to head for Block Island, my daughter fairly consistently asks, “Can we go to Coast Guard Beach?” And she will keep asking until we arrive and actually take her there. I’m not sure if Coast Guard Beach is the real name of the spit of sand at the entrance to the harbor. We call it that because along the beach there is a Coast Guard station. But other than that, it is a fairly no-frills beach.

There is a lot of fun to be had at my daughter’s favorite New Harbor spot, however….

The other day I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medicine for my son. The woman behind the counter looked very harried. She was moving around her space at a high rate of speed. Her eyes were wide open like she was really feeling the pressure. She asked me to wait a few moments while she finished something. Feeling her stress, I told her not to worry….that I would sit down until she was ready and to take her time.

When she was done, she called me back to the counter, thanked me for giving her time, and apologized that I had to wait. I told her there was no need to say sorry! She was busy and I understood. Then we did what friendly strangers do….we talked about the weather.

It has been really humid here lately but this day felt like things were finally drying out a bit. It was a truly gorgeous afternoon! A perfect 10 of a day! While we were discussing this, I told her that I planned to just stop everything I was doing later this afternoon so I could get out and enjoy it. Her response was, “I wish the whole world would just stop for one day so I could enjoy it, too!”

I love talking about emotions! When I ask someone how they are feeling, I really mean it…..I want to know exactly how someone is feeling and why. I am fairly good at naming my emotions, as well. This is something I have learned….none of us were born emotionally intelligent. These are skills that need to be taught, much like math and reading!

Last week, one of my students nearly stopped me in my tracks when they asked me if I have any emotions that I struggle with. I told them, “Of course I do! No one likes the unpleasant emotions….and I struggle with those like every human on this planet.”

After she left our session, I reflected a lot on the question that she asked me and the answer that I gave her in return. I began to ask myself….do I really struggle with unpleasant emotions?

Have you ever truly thought about what friendship means to you? What do you look for in a friend? What makes someone worth keeping in your inner circle?

Loyalty

Love

Understanding

Acceptance

Patience

…..more?

Friendship, like every relationship, is a two-way street. Friends care about each other, support one another, and accept each other’s differences. Friends enjoy spending time together and bring out the very best in each other. We miss friends when they are gone. And you get excited to see them when they return.

There are very few people in my life that I can remember meeting for the first time. My friend Suzi is one of them…..

The sun is shining and I’d love to go for a walk but I just don’t have time.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a night out with friends? But I feel guilty not spending tonight as a family….

I’d love a yummy, warm, flavored latte but I just don’t need to spend money on frivolous stuff right now.

Do these thoughts sound familiar? Let me explain…..

I love being a mom but it is a tough job. My entire world revolves around my kids, their schedules, and their needs. Want to go for a walk? I can’t….my kids will be home from school soon. Want to go out with friends? I can’t….my daughter has dance class and I need to pick her up after. I work from home so I’m there as soon as my kids walk in the door from school. I’m the one that drives them to and from sporting events, activities, and time with friends. I plan meals, pack lunches, and cook breakfasts. And I have very little time for the many things I used to enjoy before I had a family….

When my kids were little, they had moments where they were naughty. It is hard to imagine now because they have grown up and matured so much since then. As tweens and teens, my kids have become very thoughtful and kind. They have good manners. They know how to sit respectfully at a dinner table in a restaurant. They work hard in school. And they are good to their family and friends.

But when they were young, they were self-centered, often thinking about what they needed and wanted. Developmentally, that is what they were supposed to do! But that made it tricky to visit family and friends or go out to dinner. It was inevitable that at some point, one of them would do something rude or have a meltdown. And I would be left in a pile of my own sweat (and sometimes tears) about it all!

My daughter’s happy place is in music and dancing. She loves to sing and can often be found twirling in circles while belting out a tune. Sometimes she even gets me to turn our everyday conversation into a musical. I’ll ask her what she wants for breakfast, and she will sing to me that she wants cereal and a smoothie in a voice that sounds like it belongs in “Mary Poppins.” To go along with it, I will often sing my reply back to her. We can go on and on like that for a while! It is so uniquely my daughter and I love every minute of it. We create musicals about what to pack for trips, plan for meals, or even how the day went.

One day, I woke my daughter up for school, and she came downstairs for breakfast, looking a little down. To cheer her up, I prompted her to sing a musical with me. I asked her in a sing-songy voice, “What’s the matter, my dear?”

Unhappily playing along, she sang back to me, “School sucks.”

I’ve always had an interest in mindfulness and mental health. I don’t remember where this interest came from or too many early experiences with mindfulness beyond my yoga classes. But, I do remember the first time I meditated….

I was in a high school social studies class and we were studying Eastern Culture. Our teacher had us all lay down on the floor, close our eyes, and listen to him as he guided us through breathing and visualization. I remember when it was over, he asked how we felt and I expressed how relaxed and calm I was….the most I’ve ever felt that way all through my high school career. He responded to me with a giant grin on his face and said, “I know! Isn’t it amazing?”

I had no idea at the time how amazing meditation, mindfulness, and breathing would be for me in the future…..

It is unusual for me to write two blog posts in a week. I usually save these for the end of the week because “Thank Goodness It’s Friday” has more of a ring to it than “TGI-Sunday.” But I feel like I have more to express and am compelled to follow up on my last post, “It Doesn’t Have to be This Way.” So here goes….

As many of you may or may not know,

it happened again the next day.

For real this time.

It has been a busy week. I have been pulled in about 25 different directions, with pretty much every part of my day planned down to the minute. I was looking forward to today. It was the one day of the week where my schedule was light. I finally had time to sit and write my blog….one of my favorite things to do.

I had a relaxing morning all planned for myself. I woke up early before my family and did a nice workout as I watched the sun rise. I got everyone up, prepared breakfast, and even took a minute to watch out the window as my kids walked down the street to the bus stop. I very rarely have time to watch them when they know I’m not looking. I don’t know why I love to do that sometimes….I enjoy getting a glimpse of them in their “natural habitat.”

I poured myself a nice cup of coffee and went to take a shower before I sat down to begin my day. While I was getting ready for my shower, I heard voices downstairs. So I went to check it out.

I found a friend of mine visibly shaking on the verge of tears and my husband talking on the phone with my son (that I just watched walk to the bus stop).

What was going on?

As many of you know, I was a public school teacher for over 20 years. I have so many memories of those years…..time spent with my students and the connections I made! I have heaps of stories that will make you both laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time!

One story I am going to tell today is about one of the most memorable starts to a school year. Many public schools in New England start at the last week of August when it is hot, muggy, and humid! But this particular morning wasn’t like that. I remember because a fellow teacher friend of mine and I decided to go for an early morning jog before meeting our students for the first time. It was a slightly cool morning….one of those mornings where it was somewhat chilly to start but you knew the day would get warmer by the minute. We had an enjoyable run together, chatting the entire time, and working to burn off the nerves we felt over starting a new school year. We ran together just as the sun was rising in the sky. I’ll never forget that it was a gorgeous start to the day.

But that wasn’t the excitement of the morning. The excitement started when I got to school!