Welcome to The Calm Blog
Welcome to The Calm Blog! I am a former teacher turned SEL coach who is devoted to inspiring children and caregivers through the power of Social-Emotional Learning.
Many of us are unclear and there seems to be a lot of debate about the exact meaning of Social-Emotional Learning. The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), defines SEL as “the process through which all young people and adults acquire and apply the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to develop healthy identities, manage emotions and achieve personal and collective goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain supportive relationships, and make responsible and caring decisions.” CASEL has established 5 core competencies of SEL that includes self management, self awareness, social awareness, responsible decision making, and relationship skills.
The Committee for Children says SEL is, “the process of developing the self-awareness, self-control, and interpersonal skills that are vital for school, work, and life success.” They claim that learning SEL skills helps kids, adults, and communities create a foundation for positive, long-term effects. Their research states that “there is a strong correlation between the skills taught in SEL programs and academic achievement, positive behavior, and healthier life choices.”
Me? I describe SEL as a series of life skills that we all need in order to be unequivocally human! For a few of us, some Social-Emotional skills come naturally. But for most of us, we need to learn them through experiencing, reading, role-playing, mistake making, discussing, creating, and more!
Through my 20+ years in education, I taught SEL before it even had a label. As part of my routines and procedures in my classroom, I helped my students foster relationships, work collaboratively, become curious, have an open-mind, express gratitude, demonstrate empathy, identify emotions, set goals, and more! And I wasn’t alone in this mission. I worked with countless amazing colleagues who wanted to foster the same skills in their students, too!
As a parent of two children (ages 11 and 15), I do my best to help foster SEL within my family. I help to teach my kids how to communicate effectively, resist negative social pressure, identify solutions for personal and social problems, understand other perspectives, manage emotions, take initiative, and so much more! I know I’m not alone on this mission either. I live in a community full of beautiful families who want the same for their children as I want for my own!
Teaching these skills takes time, balance, and patience! And, it takes a village of parents, families, neighbors, friends, schools, churches, wellness centers, doctors….get the idea? Which is why I started my business, Calm Education. Even before COVID hit and shut the world down, I saw a need for us to stop. The world can move at such a fast pace, which in turn leads us to forget how to lead with love, patience, curiosity, and without judgement. Schools are driven heavily on test scores and student academic data. Families are driven by daily agendas and hectic schedules. I have found that my purpose in this role is to help children, teachers, and families slow down and focus on what is truly important in life.
If you are a parent, teacher, or caregiver, I invite you to become curious about three ways you can foster SEL in your classroom and/or homes:
1.) GIVE EVERYONE TIME AND SPACE TO LABEL AND EXPRESS EMOTIONS IN HEALTHY WAYS.
Marc Brackett, professor at Yale and author of Permission to Feel says that emotions aren’t good or bad. They are simply pleasant or unpleasant with high or low energy. Sometimes we want to help kids stop feeling those emotions that can be perceived as “bad” emotions….angry, sad, frustrated, etc. But we can’t be human if we don’t feel the full array or emotions that are out there. And just like waves on the ocean, emotions come and go. They don’t stay with us forever. So, it is important to help kids feel emotions without judgement from us or themselves. Help them build their emotional vocabulary so they can label their emotions. There is a saying that states that we sometimes need to “name it to tame it.” Sometimes kids simply want to express their emotions and have us listen to them, rather than have us solve the problem. It could be helpful to ask a child in the throes of feeling something big, “Would you like me to help solve this problem for you? Or would you just like me to listen?” These questions can be very empowering for kids. Finally, help children manage their emotions by giving them tools. Breathing exercises and space to feel their emotions are extremely helpful! Co-regulating with children can be beneficiall no matter what age they may be. Sitting with them, squatting or sitting down to talk to them, using simple language expressed in a calm voice, and breathing with them can sometimes be all they need.
2.) EXPRESS GRATITUDE
The famous children’s book author, speaker, and musician, Douglas Wood once said, “The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.” There is research that says that having a regular gratitude practice can boost our happiness. Dr. Laurie Santos, professor of psychology and teacher of the course, “The Science of Well-Being” at Yale, says that gratitude can prevent hedonic adaptation. Hedonic adaptation pretty much says that there’s no one thing that can make us happy. That eventually we will grow bored of it and need something different. If we take the time on a regular basis to enjoy, give thanks for, and savor those things and people that we appreciate in our lives, we may find ourselves feeling more pleasant emotions than unpleasant ones. Imagine the world if everyone did this? Modeling and encouraging your children to express gratitude could have positive consequences for all!
3.) HAVE FAMILY (OR CLASSROOM) MEETINGS REGULARLY
At the start of my career as an educator, I was trained in something called “Responsive Classroom.” One part of this approach to creating a positive classroom environment is the Morning Meeting. Teachers are trained to start the day with a meeting in which kids greet each other, share ideas, get all the news and announcements for the day, and play games. It is a time designed to set a positive tone for the classroom, build a positive classroom community, and model and practice social-emotional skills.
While it doesn’t need to be done daily, we could bring something similar into our homes! Giving your family members time to catch up with each other, play a game, share ideas, and brainstorm solutions to problems that may arise could help foster a positive family climate, build relationships, and practice social-emotional skills. In the old days, this may have happened naturally around the dinner table. But in today’s fast-paced family life, we may need to be intentional in scheduling regular family time to achieve these goals.
No matter how we define them, I truly believe that social-emotional skills are something that humans need to learn. As teachers and caregivers, it is our responsibility to help build a better world for all....and what better way is there to start than with our children so they can grow up to be resilient and strong?!
