Do What Makes You Happy
I often teach both adults and kids about different tools to use when dealing with big emotions. I share breathing techniques, visualizations, and a variety of activities that help all the "big-feeling humans" I teach. Many of these tools I use myself. They aren’t rocket science—they’re simple strategies that I encourage my students to practice regularly, so when they find themselves in an emotional moment, their bodies automatically know what to do.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: of all the different tools I teach, it really comes down to three key techniques that can help you manage big emotions when they arise. This week, I was teaching these three tools to preschoolers, and I was pleasantly surprised by their responses during our conversation.
Together, we read a book about a boy feeling frustrated, hurt, and upset throughout his week. One thing his mom told him was how to deep breathe. So, I taught the kids a breathing technique. I love watching young children breathe with me—they naturally close their eyes and breathe without hesitation. Little kids tend to breathe loud and proud… why does that change when we get older?
After finishing the book, I explained that movement is another great tool for when we’re feeling something unpleasant. Taking a walk, riding a bike, dancing, or playing sports—they all help! I even taught the kids a few big words like “endorphins,” which are the feel-good chemicals released in the brain through exercise. Our brains are naturally wired to release these chemicals when we move, so why not use that to our advantage when we’re feeling off? To show how breath and movement go hand-in-hand, I taught the preschoolers a few yoga poses and let them teach me a few of their favorites. Little kids really seem to enjoy yoga!
My third—and favorite—tool for managing big emotions is doing something that makes you happy. I shared some of my own examples. When I feel sad, mad, or just out of sorts, I like to sit by the sea. I’ll drive to the beach and sit in my car to watch the waves, often rolling down the windows to breathe in the salty air. Or I’ll strap on my sneakers and walk to the water, stopping to sit and admire it along the way. I asked the kids to share things they enjoy doing. Some mentioned reading, riding their bikes, playing with Legos, or spending time with friends. One child stood out to me. With a big smile, he eagerly shared, “When I feel sad, my mom takes me to Target. Shopping makes me happy.”
At that moment, I knew I had found my favorite student in the classroom. He was raw, honest, and genuinely excited to share his favorite activity. Some kids giggled, and I couldn’t help but smile at this 5-year-old’s idea of a good time. It made me wonder if his parents enjoy shopping at Target, too, and have passed that joy onto him. Either way, I concluded that shopping with his parents makes this boy happy, and that’s what matters most.
Happiness is a choice. It’s not something you always wake up feeling. As a social-emotional learning coach, I think some of my clients wonder if I’m naturally happy every day—smiling, pep in my step, and all. But I can tell you without a doubt, that’s not the case! If you really want to know about my emotions, feel free to ask my family. They’ll tell you the truth about my moments of crankiness…
In all honesty, there are days when I need to have serious talks with myself about staying motivated, positive, and focused. Some days, I’m downright moody. Maybe I’m tired or sad. Sometimes I’m frustrated or angry. It’s on those days that I need to choose to change my mindset. And usually, my three go-to tools—breathing, movement, and doing something that makes me happy—help me do just that.
Once I use these tools, it’s easier for me to enable positive self-talk. I’m better equipped to handle challenges that come my way, and I can manage the emotional rollercoaster of the day.
Writing all of this out for you to read may make it sound easy, but I’m the first to admit it’s not. I share this story about my favorite Target-shopping preschooler to encourage you to reflect on what makes you happy and think about the steps you can take to make happiness a choice in your life.
Research shows that happy people have stronger immune systems, better heart health, reduced stress, increased resilience, and even better relationships. They may even live longer!
At the end of the day, handling big emotions is all about having go-to moves to get through the tough stuff. Whether it's taking a deep breath, getting active, or doing something that puts a smile on your face, you’ve got the power to choose how you want to feel. So, next time you’re hit with a wave of big emotions, remember: happiness isn’t just for the lucky ones, it’s for anyone who’s ready to make it happen.
