A Follow Up….With Gratitude

It is unusual for me to write two blog posts in a week. I usually save these for the end of the week because “Thank Goodness It’s Friday” has more of a ring to it than “TGI-Sunday.” But I feel like I have more to express and am compelled to follow up on my last post, “It Doesn’t Have to be This Way.” So here goes….

As many of you may or may not know,
it happened again the next day.
For real this time.

It felt like a regular morning. My family woke up, we ate breakfast, we packed our things, and we all went our separate ways. The kids went to school, my husband settled into his home office, and I hit the road for work.

I was driving into the parking lot of my building when my phone started to light up. I pulled into a spot, put my car in park, and looked at my screen. I had so many texts and calls.

From a friend….”Something is happening at the high school.”

From my son’s school….”The high school has entered an unplanned lockdown.”

From my husband, already in contact with my son, “Someone on the soccer field with a weapon.”

I think my heart dropped into my stomach. My breathing became fast and shallow. What was happening?

What do I do? I sat there frozen and stunned. Students were counting on me. I had to go into work. I felt like I was in a fog as I went through the motions…

I put on a smile.
I monitored my phone.
My son’s school texted and emailed constant updates.
My husband was in contact with my son.
And there was nothing I could do other than…
trust,
not let my brain go to dark places,
and wait.

It felt like years before I saw the message I was praying for……that all was safe and secure at the high school. My son was on his way home from school, early, safe, and sound.

Texts were flying through my phone about what happened. But I didn’t care about any of that stuff. All that was going through my mind was….

My son, his classmates, and his teachers were safe.
Today didn’t turn out the way it could have.
And that is all that mattered.

My drive home was a blur. I couldn’t wait to get home and see my son. The moment I set eyes on him……..to say I felt relieved might be an understatement.

It’s going to take me a while to process my feelings over all of this….my son locked in school, while someone with a weapon stood outside, threatening his safety.

It’s going to be a while before I move through the emotions I have about it all. But I’ll tell you one feeling that I know clear as day…..

I feel so incredibly grateful.

First and foremost, I’m grateful the incident didn’t escalate. To my knowledge, no one was physically harmed. Students and teachers went home safely to their families.

Second, I’m grateful to our local first responders. They knew exactly what to do to keep everyone inside that school and in our community safe. They were ready to risk their lives to protect our loved ones. They sat watch at all the schools to ensure security beyond the high school. And, the School Resource Officer, after all he faced that morning, took the time to assure our kids that they were safe before making their way home to process it all with their families.

I’m also grateful to our school leaders. I know they are very well prepared for events exactly like this, but no one wants to imagine it happening on their watch. I’m grateful for the protocols they created and swiftly put into action. I don’t envy their positions. A lot more than we realize rests on their shoulders. And I’m not sure we recognize that often enough.

Lastly, I am grateful to each and every educator and staff member that was inside the building that day. They were ready to protect our kids at any cost and kept everyone calm when they may have been feeling as scared, uncertain, and shaken as the children sitting in front of them. There are not enough words to describe how grateful I am for everything my son’s teacher did for her students that day. She has superhero status in my mind. They all do….

I’m not entirely sure I can label and manage every emotion I feel about what happened. I’ll get there eventually. But in the meantime….

I’m choosing to look for and appreciate the helpers.
Because if I look at anything else in this moment, I’ll risk losing hope.
And it doesn’t have to be that way.