Not Everything You Love is Good for You…

We hear it all the time from self-care websites, articles, and social media….

Do what you love. Love what you do.

Do what makes you happy.

Whatever you decide to do, be sure it brings you joy.

Enjoy the present rather than being anxious about what the future holds.

Being happy never goes out of style.

Life is too short for doing anything other than what brings you pleasure.

Live life as if you’ll die today.

This week, I discovered that this is the worst advice anyone could ever give you. Let me explain….

I love the summer. I love the beach and the boat. I love the ocean waves and the summer air. My happiest days are spent in the warm sunshine. I jokingly say that I am solar powered. As a teacher, if I didn’t have my summer vacations full of sun and fun, I don’t know what I would have done to survive. As a parent, bringing my kids outside for fresh air in the summer kept them calmer during the witching hours of the late afternoon and evening. Summer sunshine is heaven to me. 

Being by the water brings me back to my childhood. I remember spending morning to late afternoon at the beach with my mom, my sister, and our neighbor’s family. We’d eat peaches, peanut butter sandwiches, and all sorts of treats while sitting on our beach towels. I would spend so much time in the water that my lips would wrinkle from being waterlogged. When we got home, my sister and I would shower with our green garden hose in the backyard and then we would spend the last few hours of sunlight, while my parents made dinner, “painting” the house with a bucket of water and a brush.  Getting into bed after a day like that felt amazing. To this day, I sleep better after an afternoon with my feet in the sand, than any other given day.

I also remember days out on the boat. Sometimes my parents would let me invite a friend and we would set sail sitting on the bow of the boat together, letting our feet hang over the edge, hoping for a wave to splash our toes. My mom would say she was going down below to read but we would joke that she was reading the back of her eyelids, because we knew perfectly well that she was taking a nap. The boat was the place where our family could let it all go, relax, enjoy the salt air and the feeling of the sun on our shoulders.

I have very olive colored skin. And in the summer, my skin is like a beacon flashing that I am quite the sun worshipper. One time, my husband and I went to Florida, and one of his southern friends declared, “My! She is as brown as a berry!” (cue southern accent). I have always been proud of my tan lines. And I think many women would agree that our “wobbly bits” (borrowed from Bridget Jones) look way better sunkissed than they do in the winter.

As a kid I never did anything to protect my skin from the sun. We didn’t have to! No one told us about the dangers. But as I got older, my dermatologists warned me, time and time again, to protect myself. Wear a hat, stay under an umbrella, and reapply sunscreen. Whelp….two out of three ain’t bad. I am pretty religious with my sunscreen. But a hat is hot and the umbrella shields me from being able to truly sun worship, so that wasn’t happening.

Until today.

Yup.

You heard me.

Today I am going to the dermatologist to have a large portion of skin on the back of my leg taken off. I will have a good amount of stitches, too. I was diagnosed with Melanoma. My sister was diagnosed a few years ago. My mom was diagnosed recently, as well. Is this hereditary? Or is it environmental? Who knows….but if I continue on my sun worshipping path, I know it won’t be good for me. So if I can cut out the enivoronmental risks, that’s half the battle, right?

I went for my bi-annual appointment to the skin doctor last week. I go twice a year because of my family history and the amount of moles that I genetically have. I, once again, listened to the lecture. My doctor told me that I have more tan lines than any other patient in his practice and that I need to stay out of the sun. As always, I listened and nodded. But there was no way he was going to take the sun away from me….or at least I thought. As he reviewed my moles, he noticed one on the back of my right leg, just behind my knee and near my inner thigh. He was hesitant….almost decided to leave it and see what it looked like in 6 months. But then, at the last minute, he decided to give it a little scrape and test it. Results would be back in 2 weeks….call him if I didn’t hear from him….he really didn’t think it was anything.

About four days later, he called me personally. “You have Melanoma,” he said. 

I have skin cancer.

Thankfully my doctor has a good eye. Thankfully he decided to remove it. And, thankfully it is simply at Stage 0….in the top layer of skin. Nothing else needs to be done. He will remove it and it will be gone. I will be OK and I am forever grateful for this doctor, his talent, and his attention to detail.

But I’ll still have the scar.

And I won’t have the sun.

I texted a few friends about it, two of which are my running buddies. I won’t be able to run with stitches for a few weeks so I wanted to give them a heads-up. “Big hats and umbrellas will be our new style,” they shared. “You know we love that look.” 

So I guess I’m going to dust off the umbrella I bought my husband to take to the beach that is sitting in the garage somewhere. And, I guess I’m in the market for a new hat. Something stylish….should I go Julia Robert’s style in the movie, Pretty Woman? Or maybe something a little more cowgirl-ish? Sporty? My friend Katie always wore a cute straw hat with a giant red ribbon around it and I thought she looked amazing. When I see someone wearing something like it, I always think of her and smile. Maybe I’ll find something to match her style….

Either way, I know I can still find my recharge by the sea. I just have to do it a little differently than I have in the past. It’s not just the sun that does it for me. It is also the salt water, the fresh air, the sand, and the loved ones that share it with me. My doctor told me that I can still walk with the sun, hold hands with it, and be it’s friend….I just can’t hug it. Ok….I can live with that.

But as far as that advice that self-help columns and websites like to share with us, I am going to add a little to these tidbits of information to make them more worthwhile. Here goes….

Do what you love and love what you do, as long as it is a healthy choice.

Do what makes you happy, as long as it is good for you.

Whatever you decide to do, be sure it brings you joy, and that you are still protecting yourself.

Enjoy the present rather than being anxious about what the future holds, but know that the choices you make can greatly affect what’s in store for you.

Life is too short for doing anything other than what brings you pleasure, so do it….but rethink it so that you can continue to live for as long as life will have you.

Live as if you want to keep living for as long as you can!

We all have our vices….I’ve known for a long time that the sunshine on my shoulders that makes me happy, wasn’t a healthy choice. This whole experience has made me re-examine what else I may do in life that isn’t always the healthiest choice I can make….Is it the way I eat? What I choose to do for exercise? The relationships I keep? I share this in hopes that you’ll do the same.…Sometimes what you think makes you happy, isn’t really going to do the trick in the long run. 

Composer and theater director Richard Wagner had it right when he said….

“Joy is not in things. It is in us.”

Summertime is my time. It is when I feel my best. I am relaxed. Time goes on forever.  The sun and salt water nourish me. And I don’t just “do” summer to make me happy….I relish in it. I frolic in it. I lounge in it. It is my heaven on Earth. But I’ve learned that my joy isn’t really in the sun or my tan lines. Joy is inside of me because of what summer has meant to me my whole life. No amount of Melanoma will ever change that, right?

My lesson? Being happy never goes out of style, and neither do hats, apparently. 

What “style” will you bring to your happiness so that you are able to do what brings you joy and take care of your wellbeing at the same time? Think about it….

Oh! And if you’re reading this, thinking to yourself, “I haven’t had my skin checked in ages (or ever!),” PLEASE get yourself to a dermatologist! Don’t hesitate! PLEASE don’t wait! And if you need a recommendation, I’ve got a great one for you….