Reading My Labels

I am….

Mindful

Fit

An overachiever

A hot mess

An extrovert

These are just some of the labels that I can sometimes give myself. Are they true? Maybe. Sometimes. Not really. I guess it depends….

I know I’m not the only one. I hear so many acquaintances, friends, and loved ones giving themselves labels, as well. I hear the “hot mess” one a lot. Our society likes that label. Some people even wear it as a badge! But I also hear….

I’m the worst parent.

I’m a C student.

I’m not a people-person.

I’m a rebel.

People like to label each other, too….

She’s a drama girl.

He’s emo. 

They’re preppy.

They’re a smart kid.

He’s too shy.

She’s trouble.

….Parents, kids, teachers! We all do it! It seems like our world is full of labels! We place labels on things other than people, as well….food, clothing, books, movies, and more! And while sometimes these labels are meant to help us, when we get into the business of labeling ourselves and others, that can be harmful if we’re not careful.

When we label humans, we often use adjectives to describe character, behavior, or appearance. This can greatly affect the way we see ourselves, the way we allow ourselves to be treated, and our potential. This influence from our labels can go both ways. They can be helpful for our psyche but the downfall is that they can be painful, as well. And the worst part is that sometimes we aren’t intentionally trying to cause harm to ourselves and others with the labels we choose to use.

I started this blog entry with a few of the labels I give myself. Let’s take a look at those for a minute and decide how helpful (or unhelpful) they are for me…..

“I am Mindful”

Well I think this label is pretty true about me. I decided to give myself this label when I started to find value in slowing down, enjoying nature, and turning within myself once in a while. This was an exciting discovery to help me recharge when I feel socially exhausted. With this label, I have explored so many new things in the last decade or so. I received my yoga teacher training certificate. I learned how to meditate twice a day. I have learned countless breathing and visualization techniques that I use and share with my students. And I have become a Social-Emotional Learning Coach. I think this label is a good example of how, when you choose the right words, labeling can make a positive impact on how we see ourselves and our achievements.

Another example of this is….

“I am fit.”

This is a new one for me. A year ago, I never would have said that. And it still feels a little bit unnatural to share that label in print. Here’s where it came from….

I used to label my body in a very negative way. I would say….

I can’t lose weight.

I am a little chubby in the middle.

I have wobbly bits.

I know that I have not been shy in sharing my fitness journey both through my blog and social media. But in the last year, I have been working hard to lose weight. And when I started the journey, I thought that was all I would do. But I have learned so much more about myself. In particular, I have learned that the way I talk to myself and the labels I use greatly affect my progress. 

Am I the most fit person in the world? No….that’s not the label I gave myself. And I don’t call myself “fit” because I can wear a certain size pair of pants or because the scale reads a certain number. I say I am fit because fit people eat well and exercise. And I do exactly that. And because I am fit, I will keep doing that.

  So there. This label is helping me and I’m not going to change that one! How about….

“I am an overachiever.” 

I mean….who says what the benchmark is for achievement? What does the “over” refer to? Over what? Is there some sort of standard level of achievement that is generally acceptable? Hmmmm….while that’s a good thing that I find achievement important, I feel like when I say that about myself, there is a negative connotation and judgement in there somewhere. Like maybe I work too hard. That I’m obsessive or a perfectionist. And maybe society is telling me that is wrong somehow. Even as I type this, I can’t really figure out if being an overachiever is a good thing or a bad thing….can you? Maybe I need to re-think that label.

”I am an extrovert.” 

I know there are real psychological tools that measure this personality trait. However, I’ve never taken any of those measures. I’ve just decided to give myself that label.

The terms introvert and extrovert are like two sides of a coin….they are opposing traits in people. You are either one, or the other. I understand that these labels are meant to describe our attitudes towards our external world and our internal world, with one being more dominant than the other, depending on the person. But the problem is that this label promotes a fixed mindset about who we are and how we relate to others. 

It seems that society has led us to believe that being an extrovert is a good thing and being an introvert is not. For example, extroverts are described by their strengths such as being confident and social. But introverts are often described by their weaknesses such as being reserved, sensitive, and off-putting. It is really easy for us to pre-judge introverts as being shy and socially anxious, which isn’t always the case! 

But guess what?! Extroverts like me can also be prone to feeling socially anxious! Sometimes I feel like I need to play the part of “mayor” or “life of the party” when it actually emotionally and physically exhausts me. And then I feel inadequate. But I keep going because I have labeled myself as an extrovert. And that’s limiting to me. Maybe I need to re-think this label, as well.

“I’m a hot mess.”

I really want to stop calling myself this. I wouldn’t label my kids this way. I wouldn’t label my best friend that way. Our society has taken this term in a very light way. We usually giggle over it….on days when we feel like things just aren’t going our way and we can’t catch a break. But, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, this is a figure of speech that implies that someone or something is in a state of “pittiful disarray.” And that is what I am labeling myself as? How is this helping me? It’s not…..that labeling stops now.

So clearly I have some work to do when it comes to how I label myself. But now I am questioning if I do this to my children or my friends? Do I look at the people I love and categorize them? 

I am realizing that I need to be careful. My words hold a lot of impact on how the people I care about think of themselves, what is expected of them, how they are treated, and who they become. My labels may also influence (and place limits on) their potential! This is all especially true for my children.

So what do I do?? How do I change my language? Now that I have awareness, I know it is never too late to reframe what I say. If I did it with my fitness, I think I can do it with anything!

Labels are our limiting beliefs. Labels are unfair but yet we can still unwillingly do it to ourselves and others. Labels can convey something that is perceived to be absolute, which makes them difficult to navigate away from. Attaching negative labels to ourselves and others can make us feel insecure and may even make it more likely for us to react in emotional and unhelpful ways to the world around us. Labels don’t have to define us….it is as simple as that.

Awareness is the first step.

Next comes flexibility in our perception of ourselves and others.

From there we can stop holding ourselves and others back from living our full potential.

To start, I think I will stick with one simple label. One that sums me up pretty well. And one that has never done me any harm…..

I am…

Jenny.

And there’s a lot of great places I can go from there!