To-Do, To-Don’t, or To Be? That is the Question!
I don’t know about you, but I keep a daily list of tasks, commitments, and intentions - things I want to get done or accomplish each week. The list is usually fairly long so I go a step further. I review my list and circle the most important things to-do for the day. There is nothing I love more than crossing things off my list when I complete them. It gives me great satisfaction to not only see the circled items crossed off, but to see my “bonus” things crossed off at the end of the day, as well! It is a GREAT day and I feel very accomplished when that happens.
But sometimes my to-do list dictates more about my day than I would like. At times, it can feel like it has its own voice, beckoning me to work harder, work faster, and get things done. Other times, it makes me feel defeated because something got in the way of being able to do something and feeling that satisfaction from crossing it off the list. The day can go from bad to worse when that happens.
That was me early last week. I sat down to begin my work day. I reviewed my list, adding things that I felt were important, circling my priority items, and getting ready to be the fantastic task master that I am! But then I got interrupted. I honestly can’t remember what got me this time, but I know that whatever it was, it kept me from digging into all that I planned to do that day.
One thing led to another and my priority items went further and further down my to-do list. I kept coming back to my list, which is prominently tacked to a clipboard next to my computer, and I saw nothing that I had planned was getting done. I could feel my anxiety start to creep in. My heart raced, my breathing became shallow, and my eyeballs began to feel like they were bulging from my eye sockets (a true sign inside my body that I was feeling very overwhelmed).
At that point, I stopped. I turned my phone on silent. I turned the clipboard with my to-do list on it over so I couldn’t see it. I closed my computer and I went to lay down on my bed in silence for a few moments. And that is when it came to me….I need to start writing a to-don’t list.
I don’t know where this idea came from. I have never thought of or even heard of a “to-don’t list.” But I went back to my computer, opened Google, and searched how to write one. That’s when I realized I’m not a genius. I didn’t just discover a new, “next best” thing! This has been done before. In fact, there are countless life hacks and articles written about the art of making a to-don’t list. Even Oprah has tips on writing one! I felt like I hit the jackpot and I couldn’t wait to learn more!
First, I learned to think about time-wasters…things that easily distract me during valuable time blocks, especially those mindless activities. What takes away your productivity? For me it is definitely social media, which is the problem! I have to promote my business on these platforms so I can’t just avoid them. But some things on social media I have to put on hold until after my goals for the day have been completed. Another thing that stops my productivity is tidying. I work from home and it is so easy for me to walk past the mess and have a compulsion to “just take a second” to pick it up. These tasks like scrolling social media and cleaning don’t take a lot of brain power from me and often creep into my day because I’m not taking the real breaks that I actually need. So there’s something to add to my “to-don’t” list - don’t clean or check social media…take the real break that you need!!
Second, I learned that my attachment to my “to-do” list isn’t exactly healthy. One thing I need to add to this new list is “don’t spend too much time on your to-do list.” Sounds crazy, right? But hear me out…sometimes I spend too much time thinking about what I’m going to do and not actually doing it. It really shouldn’t take me more than 15 minutes a day to write, organize, and prioritize all that I have to do. If making a to-do list or revising my to-do list are items on my to-do list, I’ve just gone too far. It is time to spend less time thinking of getting things done and just get to it!
Next, upon deep examination of my habits, I realized that sometimes I put aside the needs of my loved ones for my to-do list. So, I learned that I need to add “don’t ignore your loved ones, family, and friends, in spite of your busy day” to my to-don’t list. Sometimes I see a friend’s number come up on my ringing phone and I silence it because I just have too many things to do! Or, I’ll cancel plans with a family member because my list is just too overwhelming. I’m embarassed to admit that and I’m not proud of it. I thrive on spending time with those that I love. They recharge me and give me the energy I need to keep going. If I put those that I love on hold or ignore them altogether because I’m too busy, I am going to start to resent my to-do list and at that point, I may as well quit while I’m ahead!
Lastly, I realized through my research about to-don’t lists, that Elsa (from “Frozen”) may have been on to something!! Sometimes I just need to “Let it go!” My to-do list can make me feel like I need to be perfect and flawless. I need to let go of the perfectionism side of my brain. Yes…I want to strive to be my best. But being my best isn’t always about crossing the items off my to-do list at the end of every day. I can prepare for a task, be ready for a challenge, do my research, and then be ready to move on.
Throughout my research about this new idea of a “to-don’t list,” I found a quote that really resonated with me…
Remember the to-do lists but don’t forget the to-be list.
-Richard Branson
And that’s just it….it isn’t about what I have to do, or what I don’t want to do. It is about what I want to be. What do I want people to say about me when I’m not in the room? How do I want to show up for my students, my friends, and my family? None of those answers are on my to-do or my to-don’t list. That answer is within me and it is clear as I go through my days, creating, writing, teaching, and interacting with others.
I invite you to think not only about your to-do and your to-don’t list….but your “to-be” list. When you’re done reading this blog post, get out a piece of paper and write a list of adjectives you want people to use to describe you when you’re not in the room. Write a list of things you can do to show up for everyone in your life, including yourself. And then go from there. At work, at home, with your loved ones, with your colleagues, with yourself….how do you want to BE?
When you’re done with that, I want you to do something that may feel a little crazy! Get rid of your lists! Hear me out! Just try ONE day without them. See where the day takes you. Spend time listening and looking around you to see what really needs your attention. I guarantee you’ll be surprised at what will surface.
