Where Crisis Can Lead Us….

It is funny how things come to us when we need them the most….

Last week, I was working in a session with one of my students. We were talking about friendships, and how they can be full of ups and downs. I often read books with my students to promote discussion. Together, we were reading a chapter full of tips about how to manage and navigate working things out when there is a disagreement with a friend. The chapter began by showing us the Chinese word for crisis. I found this interesting because it reminded me that John F. Kennedy once inspired his country by saying,

“The Chinese use two brush strokes for the word crisis. One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, beware of danger - but recognize the opportunity.”

After my session, the chapter I read, and JFK’s quote, it got me thinking. What is a ‘crisis,’ exactly? I think it depends….

For a school-aged child, a crisis could most certainly be an argument with a friend. 

For the middle schooler, a crisis could occur when they’re on the receiving end of a mean comment. 

For the high schooler, a crisis could feel like a rejection from a college of choice.

For adults, crises could be everywhere! 

For the world, it could mean conflict and destruction.

Crises can be heartbreaking, life-changing, and overwhelming. They can bring us to our knees and evoke a slew of emotions. We can have a mid-life crisis, a natural disaster, violence, confrontation….it gets pretty bleak when you really start thinking about it.

My student and I were discussing a particular incident with one of her friends on the playground. This friend was not nice to her, putting their relationship in crisis. We began talking about how to respond in the best way possible. 

We talked about how a smaller problem can turn into a big one really quickly depending on the response. The best way to turn a little problem into a big one is to stew about it, not talk about it, or talk about it to everyone else BUT the person you need to speak with, and then eventually blow up. 

I made sure this student understood that it is absolutely OK and natural to get angry when someone is unkind. We talked about ways to manage the anger before saying or doing something in retaliation that can’t be taken back, making the initial problem much worse. 

The biggest lesson I wanted my student to take away is this….in every crisis, there IS an opportunity, as well as a choice. In this situation, my student had the choice to end the friendship and find an opportunity to make new friends in which they better connect. Or, they could work it out and maybe find the opportunity to grow their friendship bond and make it even stronger.

After this lesson with my student, I did some research and learned that JFK was a little inaccurate about the meaning of the brush strokes in the Chinese word for ‘crisis.’ According to CEO and author Emily Chang, the first character of the word crisis in Chinese does, in fact, translate to “danger.” However, the second character by itself doesn’t really translate to opportunity. By itself, the word more likely means “a crucial point, when things begin to change.” In other words, the Chinese brush strokes for crisis most likely translate to “a turning point + danger.”

So what does this mean for my lesson to my student and the message I’m trying to tell you in this blog post? 

For a school-aged or middle school student fighting with a friend, a mean remark can be the turning point they both need to either end the friendship or work things through.

For a high schooler that didn’t get into the college of their choice, this moment could be a turning point for them to go in a different direction…one they didn’t expect but could be exactly what they need.

For adults that face heartbreaking crises, we may realize that there are many elements at play. It could leave us at a crossroads where things could go in a variety of directions. The question is….what do we do?

For my student, this might look like taking a moment to process the anger she feels with breathing tools, doing an activity that clears her head, writing her feelings down, talking to a trusted adult, and deciding if the situation is worth fighting about. 

For a high schooler, this might look like taking a moment to process the disappointment of the rejection letter from the college of their dreams and then working with their trusted adult to decide on other options.

For adults, my answer for this question goes back to JFK’s wisdom. In a crisis, it is important for us to remain aware of the danger and do everything we can to get to a positive outcome for ourselves. 

I am not Chinese and I don’t have very much knowledge of the Chinese written language. My research about the Chinese word for crisis could be entirely inaccurate, and I welcome someone knowledgable to teach me more. However, I do know that our perspective on our lives plays a HUGE part in how we want to respond to the challenges life throws us. 

The key message from what I’m trying to say is that it is our choice whether to focus on the obstacle or the opportunity in any given situation.

Imagine if the school aged child sees the opportunity to express her feelings and talk it out with the friend that hurt her?

Imagine if the high schooler sees the opportunity to explore somewhere new that they hadn’t imagined before?

Imagine if the adult was able to share their experience with a traumatic event in order to help others going through something similar?

These are the kind of opportunities and turning points that crisis can lead us towards. What kind of world would we live in if we could end the fighting, stop saying things we can’t take back, and work together to better each other? We can either say it will never happen, simply imagine it will, or actually create an amazing world for each other….the choice is always there!