Buy The Latte

The sun is shining and I’d love to go for a walk but I just don’t have time.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a night out with friends? But I feel guilty not spending tonight as a family….

I’d love a yummy, warm, flavored latte but I just don’t need to spend money on frivolous stuff right now.

Do these thoughts sound familiar? Let me explain…..

I love being a mom but it is a tough job. My entire world revolves around my kids, their schedules, and their needs. Want to go for a walk? I can’t….my kids will be home from school soon. Want to go out with friends? I can’t….my daughter has dance class and I need to pick her up after. I work from home so I’m there as soon as my kids walk in the door from school. I’m the one that drives them to and from sporting events, activities, and time with friends. I plan meals, pack lunches, and cook breakfasts. And I have very little time for the many things I used to enjoy before I had a family.

Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change my role as a mom for the world! It is such an honor to be the mother of my son and daughter. I feel like they are true gifts to me. But sometimes I like to use motherhood as an excuse that robs me of the little pleasures that can bring me just the right amount of joy I need to keep me going.

Sometimes as a mom, I can start to suffer from what I call, “Martyr Syndrome.” Because I don’t allow myself to be treated here or there, I begin to get resentful, irritable, cranky, and at worst, depleted. When these feelings set in, my usual mode is to launch into an inner dialogue that sounds something like this….”I do so much for this family and it is overlooked. No one cares. Everything is always on me.”

This is not, in any shape or form, true.

I have an amazing and supportive husband. My family is grateful for all that I do for them. And I know, without a doubt in my mind, that if I asked them to treat me, they wouldn’t hesitate to tell me to go for a walk, send me out with friends, or buy me a latte.

I know my signs….and when I get to the point of martyrdom, it is time for a treat. I don’t mean that I go out and spend thousands of dollars on myself. I mean that I find the time to do something that is all about me….something that fills my bucket and it doesn’t need to be a grand gesture.

So other than walks, nights out with friends, and coffee, what do I enjoy? Sometimes it is just reading a good book or watching a cheesy TV show. Other times I visit my local farm stand for some fresh veggies or picked flowers. I may pour myself a warm cup of tea or mix up a fun adult beverage. None of these things are expensive or take a lot of time…..they just give me the pause and time with my own thoughts that I so desperately need, especially in my role as a mother.

Making time for small treats has a big influence on my happiness. I cannot afford to neglect myself! Just like any “treat,” I don’t need one everyday but it is nice to have them in moderation. It is all about balance! And how I show up for myself is reflected in how I show up for others. 

With my family, I work hard to balance play and rest. My kids and I enjoy reading together….although now that they are older this doesn’t happen as much as it used to. Every once in a while, I purchase something for my family on their wishlist. Why can’t I do these things for myself, too?

I like to make a lot of excuses on why I can’t treat myself. Does this sound familiar?

I don’t have time. 

It is too expensive. 

I have too much to do. 

But yet I find the time and the finances to do these things for other people….no wonder I feel neglected and burnt out! I am doing that to myself. Besides, I know perfectly well that the $4 I would have spent on a silly little latte for myself, I will probably spend on something else (that most likely won’t be for me).

Some people will say to treat yourself….after all, you only live once! But as a friend reminded me recently, that’s not true. You only die once….you live everyday. And while I am living here on this Earth, part of my role is to take care of others. Since I am so good at doing that, I need to make it a little easier to take care of myself. As a result, I am giving myself (and all of you like me out there) permission…..

Just do it.

Buy the latte.

You deserve it.