Take Credit for the Good Things, Too!

When my kids were little, they had moments where they were naughty. It is hard to imagine now because they have grown up and matured so much since then. As tweens and teens, my kids have become very thoughtful and kind. They have good manners. They know how to sit respectfully at a dinner table in a restaurant. They work hard in school. And they are good to their family and friends.

But when they were young, they were self-centered, often thinking about what they needed and wanted. Developmentally, that is what they were supposed to do! But that made it tricky to visit family and friends or go out to dinner. It was inevitable that at some point, one of them would do something rude or have a meltdown. And I would be left in a pile of my own sweat (and sometimes tears) about it all! 

The worst was if I got a call from someone at school reporting to me that one of my kids did something wrong…..maybe they snatched something out of someone else’s hands during play centers in preschool, resulting in a minor scuffle. Or, they had trouble sitting still on the carpet in Kindergarten and had to walk the halls with the principal to get a little movement break. Perhaps they broke something or fought the entire time that they visited with their grandparents. Those calls were THE WORST! And they often left me thinking….

What did I do wrong?

Everyone must think I am a bad parent!

I need to do something different to get these kids to behave better!

I would beat myself up over how their behavior was a reflection of my parenting….that they would be better if I changed my parenting style so they could be better kids. I worried what people in a restaurant thought of me as a parent. I apologized to teachers and staff on behalf of my kids’ behavior. It was pure agony, the pressure and blame I put on myself when my kids made mistakes.

I credited myself for the bad behavior of my children so many times. But you know what? I never gave myself credit for the things they did right!

Sometimes, we would go out to a nice family dinner at a restaurant and all would be peaceful. Or, my kids would spend the weekend with their grandparents and have a lovely time together. Even better, school would call to tell me how great my child behaved that day or to share their awesome hard work. And NOT ONCE would I ever think….

What did I do right?

Everyone must think I am the BEST parent!

I need to keep doing what I’m doing as a parent because it rocks!

I never allowed myself to feel positive about how all the good things they did were a reflection of my parenting. I never thought that anyone was looking at me thinking, “Wow! How does she do it?” I never once gave myself credit for all the hard work it took to be there for my kids.

I am writing all of this in hopes that you can relate. That you understand the shame and embarrassment I felt when my kids did something wrong. And maybe you realize that, like me, you passed the credit to someone or something else when your kids were amazing.

If this is you, I am going to tell you something I wish someone had told me….take credit for the good things, too!

This is the time of year when sometimes our kids reach a new milestone….maybe you are watching them graduate or win an award at school. Or maybe you are watching them in a performance of some kind. Perhaps you get to see some really awesome school work of theirs in the classroom and on the sports field. Whatever it is, acknowledge that these things make you feel proud! And that pride comes from you……YOUR PARENTING SKILLS!!

Don’t forget to take a moment to not only be grateful for your kids and all the good things they do, but to also show love and kindness to yourself. While they are their own people, your kids have been molded in some way by you. Literally, your blood, sweat, and tears have been behind every single thing your child has accomplished. Please don’t forget to take a moment to give yourself credit where credit is due.

Because you’re absolutely and incredibly amazing!

And so are your kids….

Afterall, they are going to be your greatest achievement.

Now that is totally worth cheering for!!