I love to go out to eat! I particularly love eating out at a new restaurant I’ve never been to before. I’ll go online and check out what the restaurant has to offer, dreaming and planning what meal I’d like to have. Knowing what I am going to eat ahead of time takes the pressure off having to peruse the menu while socializing with my friends or family. I can simply order, relax, and enjoy the food and the company! The whole restaurant experience completely entices the foodie inside of me!!

Why am I telling you this? Because I would like to use my thoughts about going out to eat and looking at the menu ahead of time as a metaphor for manifesting.

Manifesting is a mainstream buzz word of the moment. I hear people use it all the time! For example, a group of friends and I were out together the other night. One of my friends expressed her frustrations at work, described how things could be better, and shared what her dream job would look like. Another friend, listening to all of this, responded with, “You can find that dream job! Just manifest it!”

I wish it worked that way…..that would be pure magic.

I am….

Mindful

Fit

An overachiever

A hot mess

An extrovert

These are just some of the labels that I can sometimes give myself. Are they true? Maybe. Sometimes. Not really. I guess it depends….

I know I’m not the only one. I hear so many acquaintances, friends, and loved ones giving themselves labels, as well. I hear the “hot mess” one a lot. Our society likes that label. Some people even wear it as a badge! But I also hear….

I’m the worst parent.

I’m a C student.

I’m not a people-person.

I’m a rebel.

People like to label each other, too….

She’s a drama girl.

He’s emo.

They’re preppy.

They’re a smart kid.

He’s too shy.

She’s trouble.

….Parents, kids, teachers! We all do it! It seems like our world is full of labels! We place labels on things other than people, as well….food, clothing, books, movies, and more! And while sometimes these labels are meant to help us, when we get into the business of labeling ourselves and others, that can be harmful if we’re not careful.

What do we know about the people that we surround ourselves with? Our friends, our co-workers, our aquaintences that share our interests, parents of our child’s friends, even a few family members….

I bet we know their likes and dislikes. We understand their personality. We might know a bit about their cultural heritage. We know about their family. We know what they do for a job. We probably even know a secret or two about them…something that they don’t usually share with the entire world.

But do we really know them?

I lost two friends a little while ago….two gorgeous women in the prime of their lives left this world only a few months apart. The deaths of these friends left me devastated. It is hard for me to find the words to describe the feelings I had about it all….grief seems too simple.

I keep pictures of my friends near my desk so that I can see them smiling at me when I need it the most. I like to try to keep their memory alive in my brain, afraid that over time I will forget something about them….their laughs, especially.

Even to this day, I often look for little signs that my friends are still with me even though I know they’re gone. I think this is pretty common to do….I look for…..

little white feathers,

thoughts in my mind that sound like they are talking to me,

ironic incidents that I like to imagine they orchestrated for me,

dreams of time spent with them,

….anything that tells me they are still there, supporting me, laughing with (or at!) me, and being my friend. Every once in a while, something happens or I see something and it will stop me in my tracks because it will remind me of my friends. At first, it would make feel sad and I’d cry. But now I may feel sadness but it is mixed with something that makes me smile, because I feel like sometimes these things happen to remind me that they are still here, guiding me somehow. 

Some people like to call these things “signs.” I call these moments “glimmers……”

As defined by Merriam-Webster, self-worth is a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect. Self-worth involves how you act toward yourself and how you feel about yourself, especially compared to others.

I’ve had quite a few conversations about self-worth with both kids and adults in my world lately. So much so that I’ve noted things that have been said to me or even things I’ve thought about when it comes to my own self-worth and value. Some comments I’ve heard or thought are….

My social media followers are growing and I’m so proud of myself!

I only have a few friends….not as many as other people.

I’m not a star player so my role on the team isn’t that important.

I am easily replaceable at work. If I leave, I don’t think anyone will care.

I got an 89 on my history test. It's good but it isn’t an A.

I’m not making nearly as much money as last year.

I mean….I get it. I think it is part of the human experience to wonder where our place is in this world and how much we are truly valued by others. Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are closely tied into how we view our worthiness and value as human beings!

It is around this time of year that I feel like a bear coming out of hibernation. I mean….humans can’t actually hibernate, but in the coldest months of the year, I am drawn toward something like it. After the holidays and into January until the first signs of spring, I want to batten down the hatches from the harsh weather outside and preserve my energy. I want to skip going out for my errands and begin to drag my heels on taking the outdoor walks that I know are good for me. And social interactions feel like an imposition. I do everything I can to resist the urge to pull my comforter over my head and hide. 

Is it such a bad thing to desire hibernation until spring? 

Hi. My name is Jenny. And I think I might be an overthinker. I’ve been told that a few times.

Or maybe I worry that I think about things too much. 

I think I’m just good at self-reflecting. 

I’m a Libra so I like to keep everything in balance and I spend a lot of time thinking about how to do that. 

I care about people and I am always thinking about others. 

I’m good at reading people and showing empathy.

I am always thinking about how I can be helpful to others.

But that doesn’t make me an overthinker, does it?

Maybe it does. I don’t know….

Is being an overthinker bad? 

Oh boy….I might have a problem.

Ever since I took my first RULER course with Marc Brackett at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, I really felt inspired to become what he calls, “an emotion scientist.” I have been tasked to work on increasing my emotion vocabulary and to really get curious about what I am feeling and why. I have worked with countless students, families, and educators about noticing the emotions they feel everyday.

It sounds like a no-brainer, but I have learned and experienced that there are emotions behind everything in life. Our feelings drive things like motivation and decisions….you name it, there’s an emotion there! Being an emotional scientist means that I try to look at my emotions as a guide towards the best responses for getting what I need.

The hardest part for most people, including myself, is recognizing that the things I tell myself and the actions that I take, those that serve me and those that don’t, usually happen because I am feeling something big. I can be so disassociated that sometimes I am too knee deep in the negative self-talk or poor choices to see that there’s several emotions swirling around inside of me..

I think most of us can say that we didn’t grow up at a time when we learned how to understand emotions. My teachers didn’t sit me down in elementary school and ask me how I was feeling. I didn’t label my feelings on a mood meter. I wasn’t taught tools to help me regulate my emotions. Sometimes I had to figure it out on my own and, many times, the “tools” I created for myself weren’t all that helpful. Othertimes, I had no idea what to do with everything that was going on inside of me. I chose actions, some helpful and some not, based on what made me feel the safest. But the craziest part for me to explain to others is that even though I teach this stuff, I still make mistakes and I am not perfect.

Let me give you an example….

I made it my mission this year to work on my health and fitness….

When I present Wellness Workshops for educators and staff, I share a slide that lists a lot of things about me. It is meant to explain a little bit of my background, my certifications, and my interests. However, one thing I intentionally list on this descriptive slide about myself is the word “imperfect.”

As much as I try to model emotion regulation and mindfulness….I am not always perfect. I have moments of ignoring my body’s signals that I am feeling something big, letting the emotional side of my brain take over, and reacting in a way that I’m not proud of.

When I share things like this about myself with others, I want to make the point that just because you have all the tools in the world to make you successful, it doesn’t mean you always use them properly. I want others to hear that mistakes happen, even to the best of us, and that is OK. It is how you learn from the mistakes that matters the most.

The story that I am writing about today happened roughly four years ago. It feels very vulnerable to share because it is not one of my finest moments. And as a teacher, a mom, and a social emotional learning coach, it is downright embarrassing.

Let me explain….

What do Taylor Swift, Grace Lin, Sheldon Cooper, and Calm Education all have in common? No….this isn’t some sort of tricky riddle! They all have to do with a crazy rabbit hole I found myself digging into the other day after a car ride with my daughter.

Let me explain….

If I am going to listen to Taylor Swift, it is usually with my daughter on our way to one of her many activities throughout the week. We listen to Taylor in the car, almost always singing along. Taylor’s songs are easy to pick up on and her words seem to appeal to everyone, at every stage of life. While the tunes are catchy and fun, I particularly enjoy the poetry behind the lyrics.

The other day, we were listening to a song called “Invisible String,” released on Taylor’s Folklore album in 2020. There’s a story in this song about someone that she fell in love with, that she may have known previously, but didn’t realize the feelings for a while. She talks about the metaphorical connection she had to this person all along….through ups and downs of other relationships. And, she mentions that there may have been an “invisible string” tying the two of them together.

This made me think about one of my favorite children’s authors, Grace Lin…..

This year, I set a goal for myself to get back into working in schools again. My heart is in a school building, working with teachers, students, staff, and administrators. I know first hand how challenging working in classrooms can be. The rewards, while they are tremendous, can sometimes feel out of reach. I know as a public school classroom teacher, I often felt overwhelmed and exhausted. But at the same time, I felt excited and inspired. The emotional rollercoaster of one school day is truly incredible. It takes a strong ability for educators to use emotion regulation tools in order to manage it all! And as I know first hand, using these tools isn’t always seamless!

I am excited to say that I’m doing it! I am working in schools, running wellness workshops and collaborating with educators. I share tools that teachers and staff can use to help their own social and emotional wellbeing and share with their students.

So yay! I am taking a moment in this blog to celebrate! I feel proud! I feel excited! I am feeling successful in my goals and intentions for this fairly new path in which I find myself walking!

Lately, I remembered something about myself that I’ve known for a while….

I like routine and structure.

I like lists.

I like to check off items on my lists.

I like schedules.

And when I feel off a routine, off-schedule, or I can’t complete my to-do list….I feel stressed and overwhelmed. So while I feel excited to get back into working in schools, I feel worried about my goals and intentions for this fairly new path in which I find myself walking!

Let me explain….

At the start of the summer in 2022, I left my job as a public school teacher. I’m finally ready to share my story about why I made this choice. I probably should have written this as my first blog post in September, but I don’t think I was ready yet. Now I am, so here goes….

A short time ago, I wrote about my reality television habit. If you read “My Cheesy TV Obsession,” you already know that I can’t get enough of shows that take me out of my head and the thoughts that can keep me up at night.

This week, I would like to focus on my favorite reality television show du jour. It is one that I connect with because of my love of sailing, the ocean, the fresh salt air, and sunshine.

Have you had a chance to check out any of the “Below Deck” reality show series lately? I don’t think I’m the only one! I’ve had many conversations about this show with people I didn’t expect to enjoy it along with me. And it seems like a show that appeals to many different ages of people.

There are so many Below Deck shows! There’s the original Below Deck series. But there’s also a few spinoffs such as Below Deck Down Under, Sailing Yacht, Mediterranean, and Adventure. I haven’t watched all of these yet but give me time…..I will!

It is funny how things come to us when we need them the most….

Last week, I was working in a session with one of my students. We were talking about friendships, and how they can be full of ups and downs. I often read books with my students to promote discussion. Together, we were reading a chapter full of tips about how to manage and navigate working things out when there is a disagreement with a friend. The chapter began by showing us the Chinese word for crisis. This word could describe the way of the world in this moment. I found this interesting because it reminded me that John F. Kennedy once inspired his country by saying,

“The Chinese use two brush strokes for the word crisis. One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, beware of danger - but recognize the opportunity.”

After my session, the chapter I read, and JFK’s quote, it got me thinking. What is a ‘crisis,’ exactly? I think it depends….

I talk to myself all the time. Whether it is in my head or out loud, I am having constant conversation with myself. Sometimes I am creating a to-do list. Other times I am processing something that happened or new information I’m learning. But, on occasion…..ok well maybe more than that….the conversation in my head is riddled with judgement…….

During the week between Christmas and New Year’s, I traditionally spend time reflecting on the year that is wrapping up and the changes I’d like to make for the year ahead.

There was a time in my life when I set New Year’s Resolutions as part of my reflection. Oftentimes I forgot about my resolutions well before spring, never meeting them, and often feeling like a failure. I have read that I am not alone in this. Research suggests that only 9% of Americans that make New Year’s Resolutions actually complete them. Research also says that 23% of people quit their resolutions by the end of the first week and 43% quit by the end of January. These statistics got me thinking….why are resolutions so hard to stick to? Here’s what I’ve concluded……

This week marked the official first day of winter. I wish I could get excited about that but to be honest, the end of a warm summer and vibrant fall season is a downer for me. When the leaves fall off the trees, the holiday season ends, and everything starts to look gray, the days can get tough. I find it hard to be motivated and I just feel blah.

I know I am getting the winter blues, because emotions that don’t normally come up in the sunny seasons bubble to the surface. I begin to resent the chores around cleaning my house, like laundry and dishes. The kids and their friends all come inside, rather than running around the yard. They can get loud and it feels annoying. And, I get tired easily. I literally finish work and as soon as the sun sets, I am in my pjs. With the short days, I begin to hibernate, unmotivated to hang with friends or even go out with my husband in the evenings! It’s not that I hate my house or my children. It’s also not that I dont’ want to see my friends or spend time with my loved ones. It’s just winter. And winter is not my season. Can anyone out there relate to this?

I am addicted.

I can’t get enough cheesy television.

And this isn’t a new obsession.

In high school, I couldn’t get enough of the start of reality television mania, when I watched “The Real World.” I still have dreams of staying in one of the houses that they used throughout the 24 seasons that the show was filmed!

Back in college, I arranged my class schedule around “Days of Our Lives.” I even took early classes so I could be back to my dorm in time to grab lunch and watch it in the common room before I went off to sailing practice. My friends and I would also arrange nights together with wine and snacks to watch “Beverly Hills 90210” and eventually “Melrose Place.” This tradition lasted quite a while!

After college, I was also known to watch countless episodes of reality television such as “Survivor,” “Queer Eye,” and “Laguna Beach.” Don’t even get me started on my obsession over “The Bachelor.” When I moved to California for a short stint, I lived down the street from Matthew Fox. I was heavily focused on catching a glimpse of one of my favorite actors from “Party of Five.”

I have wasted countless hours watching the cheesiest thing on television throughout my years. I just love it!!

For the last six months or so, I’ve been really trying hard to focus on my health. I have started to workout daily and have included weight lifting in my routine. I have started to track what I eat everyday, monitoring my calories consumed and increasing my protein and fiber intake. But since late August or so, I’ve noticed an increase in my weight and I don’t like it. So I decided to take a close look at the things that I do everyday and ask myself why I do these things….

At the moment, I am feeling pretty darn chagrined and embarrassed. I can’t believe I could be so foolish! I read about these things all the time….people that get suckered into some sort of scam. When I read the stories, I often think to myself, “Really? Why did you go and give all your personal information to someone over the phone??” There is so much out there that tells you NOT to do that….why do people still do it? I often feel for the elderly because they are the ones that are targeted most often. But nope….this time it was me.